You've Gotta be Kidding
by zharza
Summary: From my experiences with my previous commentaries here on FanFiction, I'd thought I'd have a little fun. What happens when Adrian finds out about Twilight? What happens when Adrian tries to write an MA rated fanfiction about Twilight? Uh-oh; knock knock on the door from Eliminator and Critics United . . .
1. Chapter 1

**_By now, many of those that read my commentaries would be aware that they've been taken down. The whole of the events made me think about . . .well, writing _****this story****_. Everyone should be aware that this is just a bit fun on my part. I wanted to see what happens if I put _****Adrian****_ in that situation. _**

**_I must warn you. If we look at this story compared to the Bloodlines timeline, we can tell that it's not really going to fit anywhere, other than after Indigo Spell. If you haven't read Indigo Spell, and you don't want to find out what happens through this story, stop reading here, and come back after you've had to live through I.S. But still, this kinda screws over what happens at the very end of that book and we ignore who shows up/what might happen to Sydney in the next book, all because I want to have a little fun._**

**_The story begins with Adrian and Sydney on "some sort of holiday". Don't ask me why they're on a holiday in Adrian's place – they're just having a break from all their "work" so I can write and have a bit of fun. For some reason, they also can't leave . . ._**

* * *

"Ugh, _I'm so bored!"_

Being told to stay in his apartment by "people higher up" (which probably means the Alchemists, or someone from Court or secretly Dimitri and/or Rose) was now getting way more boring than what Adrian Ivashkov had originally thought. Even with Sydney here. Even painting was not satisfying this 'eternal bordemness', as he had explained to Sydney.

Sydney, too, was becoming more fidgety, no matter how much she refused to admit it. For some reason, this 'leaving the house' restriction also meant that she wasn't the one who got groceries – that job managed to fall to Eddie.

"Well then, _find something to do._" Sydney had muttered.

With a sigh, Adrian went over to his laptop. A couple of days ago, he had started a list of all the things he had Googled . . . and it was now five pages long. He was running out of ideas.

So, he did the _only_ thing he thought was a decent idea; he googled "what to do when you're bored".

_About 153,000,000 results (0.27 seconds)_

"Huh."

Sydney didn't look up from her book. "What?"

"Google's getting slower."

The Alchemist rolled her eyes and didn't bother to add more to the short conversation, but Adrian did. He swivelled around his chair and faced her. "Dare me to go through them all."

And without hesitation from Sydney; "Fine, I dare you to go through all of the Google results."

"Challenge accepted!"

So he, unbelievably to Sydney, started to write down all of the web-addresses to all of the websites listed in the Google results. Talk about being out of character . . .

But Adrian Ivashkov stopped his 'work' after about two hours of Google-ness. Instead, a strange result caught his eye; " ".

With a curious raise of his eyebrow, the vampire clicked on, and was greeted was a 'fanfiction story following'.

**50 Things To Do When You're Bored**

**Author:** _Lost in Believing_

_50 Things To Do When You're Bored. Cullen Style. You never know what could happen in the Cullen Household. Hilarity ensured for some chapters. Sometimes other people are brought into the craziness...All 50 Things To Do When You're Bored. Now Complete!_

A little confused to what a "Cullen" actually was, he looked to Sydney for an answer – as per usual.

"Quick question?"

"What?"

Sydney, having a drink of water, did not expect this next question. "What's Twilight?"

And then she nearly choked, spattering her water a little out – but only a little. Coughing, she looked up at Adrian. "Why do you want to _know?_" She narrowed her eyes.

"I'm curious. I've nothing _else_ to do." He shrugged.

Sighing and putting her water back on the coffee table, she stared at Adrian. "Twilight is a Human book about . . . vampires these days."

Adrian frowned a little. "Right . . . And this wasn't flagged by the Alchemists . . . _how?_"

"Because it's not about Moroi and Strigoi. In actual fact, it's just really a book about dead people with invisible diamond skin going around saying that they drink blood from Humans with their normal teeth."

"They don't have _fangs_?"

Sydney shook her head. "Unless I don't remember . . . no, no they don't."

Adrian had one of those 'shock' expressions on his face. "That's ridiculous. How the hell are you _not_ supposed to make a mess of their ne-"

"Can we not talk about this!?" Sydney interrupted quickly.

_Still touchy about blood_. Adrian thought. Apparently dating a vampire was not enough to swing Sydney from her avoiding-the-subject ways. Not that he really wanted her to change that. She was just perfect the way she was.

"I'm going to fix that problem." Adrian said as he turned back around to face the computer.

"Adrian . . ."

"Not in _that_ way. Besides; it's not as if I can really go out and find the original author, now _can_ I?"

Putting her head in her hands, Sydney, strangely, started laughing. "Alright, do whatever. Just . . . don't . . . yeah."

"Got it!"

And so, the vampire started writing his _own_ Twilight fanfiction . . .

* * *

_**And so, this will definitely be continued next chapter. Thoughts, reviews, favourites; do whatever. All I know is that this is going to be a hell of a lot of fun for zharza . . . **_


	2. Chapter 2

**_Okay, so I'm probably going to get in a heap of shit for adding another user's profile URL to this chapter . . . and quite possibly the next . . . but in my defense, they _did _answer the question I asked using one of my back-up accounts. So if you want to know who is actually _****"KickMe"_, add the /u/numbers onto the end of the FanFiction URL . . . if that makes sense._**

**_That is all._**

* * *

_TWO DAYS LATER_

Sydney awoke to the sound of typing on a laptop keyboard. Adrian was sitting up, still in the covers as he worked on this " " thing. With a groan, she threw her head under her pillow. Unfortunately for her, he heard her groan and thus thought she was getting up.

"You have to read this." He laughed lightly.

There was another groan from under her pillow before she finally moved to sit up and leaned her head on his shoulder. With a sigh she read, and judging by her reaction, she read way too much to be normal.

"I'm not reading anymore." She said quietly.

"What? Why _not?_"

Blinking, and unable to process the fact that Adrian must not have realized just how inappropriate the story actually _was_, she sighed again. "You just made me read about some guy getting his head taken off. And it was _graphic_. As in, _I never want to read it again._ How on Earth are you able to _write_ that?!"

Adrian, shocked, could only shrug. "I don't know – it . . . _came out_! And it _works!_ I completely fixed Twilight! Doesn't that count for something?!"

"It'll count for something to the people that absolutely hate it. You pretty much took all the characters and destroyed their personalities!" She sat up properly and pointed at a sentence on the computer screen. "Isabella Swan, for example. You just had her kill her own father. In the actual book, Bella . . ." She grit her teeth for a few seconds before continuing, her words sour. "Hunted animals instead of humans."

"Which is why I changed the concept-"

"You have an email."

And then she fell back into her spot on the bed. Adrian rolled his eyes, and opened the newest email in his inbox.

* * *

**Name:** KickMe

**Profile:** /u/4223091/

_Subject: About "Breaking all the Rules"_

_Explicit content is not allowed on this site. Please delete and upload elsewhere._

_._

_KickMe_

_Member of Eliminator_

* * *

Adrian shook his head to himself. "I don't _believe_ this."

Sydney groaned again. "_What?_"

"It's barely been up two days and some asshole has decided to demand that I take it down!"

"Probably something to do with the explicit on a website that kids can and do read." She muttered.

The vampire frowned, but didn't say anything. Instead, he replied.

* * *

**Name: **DontstealJetSteel

**Profile:** /u/4776235

_What?_

_No._

_Make me._

_Mwhaha_

* * *

Man, he's so nice. Adrian smiled triumphantly, closing the lid of his laptop and setting down on the bedside table.

"There, problem solved!"

"Good." Sydney rolled over, still in 'morning mode'. "Now make me coffee, please?"

"At your command!"

* * *

**_Oh, this hasn't even started my friends. MORE CHAPTERS TO COME!_**

**_Reading is great, reviewing is awesome, and favouriting is amazing!_**


	3. Chapter 3

**_I know, I know. "LONGER CHAPTERS ARE NEEDED, ZHARZA! GET TO IT!"_**

**_The only problem with this is that this is a rushed fanfiction – I'm not going to lie. This literally popped into my head as an idea, and I started writing it. MikiMoke was there – she can vouch for me. Thus, the chapters for this story are going to be sadly, and unusually short._**

**_Now, there was a review by a "guest" – at this stage, presumably umi9, as that writer owns the forum listed – and for the sake of all gods, please do not act out against Eliminator. I do not condone attacks on the Eliminator forum. I do not appreciate users flaming the stories of the members of Eliminator. If you attack Eliminator because you thought it was "the right thing to do", you are stooping to their level._**

**_"But . . . this story is against Eliminator . . . !" ~ Wrong. This story is an exaggerated version of my own experiences with both Eliminator and Critics United._**

**_Anyway, let's begin this extremely small chapter!_**

The next day Adrian woke up, he immediately went for his laptop to see the new reviews, favourites and follows of "Breaking all the Rules". He had a new PM from "KickMe", that he didn't open straight away.

He did, however, read the review from a reader claiming to be from a "Critics Unknown".

**_This story is too graphic for its current rating. Please move this to a more appropriate site._**

**_Carer_**

**_Critics United_**

Adrian sighed.

"What?"

Sydney handed him a mug of steaming coffee and took a seat on the couch next to him, having a sip from her own.

"Just another person complaining."

She grinned a little. "Maybe if you replied like a more _responsible_ person, you'd get somewhere."

Adrian frowned a little, thinking. With a shrug, he did as Sydney suggested.

**_Hey there!_**

**_Breaking all the Rules is under the "M" rating, is it not? I'm not sure I understand the problem – it's not rated T, it's rated M. M is for the older people, yes? _**

**_Maybe a bit of clarification, please? It'd be pretty handy. I've already had to deal with some guy from "Eliminator" . . . _**

**_Don'tstealJetSteele_**

"Sent."

Sydney nodded to herself, taking another sip from her mug. "Have you considered moving it to a more appropriate site?"

He sighed. "_Why?" _He closed the laptop lid, finally having a drink from his cooling coffee. "Have you _seen_ how many people read it!? I've already got twenty-five followers, and it's only been _two days!_ Why should I give that up straight after someone starts complaining?"

"Because it'd be the responsible thing to do?"

"There you go with that responsibility talk again . . ."

"I'm just trying to prove a point." She put the mug down on the coffee table and leaned forward, clasping her hands together. "I mean, there _are_ kids that go looking through that site."

"It's _rated M!_ How many times do I have to-"

"That doesn't _matter_, Adrian. I know for a _fact_ that if you found this thing when you were younger, you would have gone searching through the M rated categories for what you're writing."

Adrian narrowed his eyes. "Oh yee, of little faith." Regardless, Sydney could see in his eyes that he knew he probably would have, too.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Good news, everyone! Only a short AN today: I'm sorry.**_

_**Sorry for not updating straight away. XD**_

* * *

Their house arrest was starting to become really old. If Adrian didn't know any better, he'd have said that Sydney was going mad – and she probably was. She had made phone call after phone call to Eddie and Jill, asking if they were okay and if nothing 'weird' was happening. Obviously, every answer she got was 'no'. Maybe Sydney was just looking for an excuse to leave the house against the rules set by whoever made them stay there.

After five days being told not to leave his apartment to visit the outside world, you can imagine how excited he was to receive a PM from 'Carer'. It was either war, or an alliance.

**_A while back, FF put a ban on NC-17 material after someone wrote a rather graphic Power Rangers fanfiction. Long story short, the administrators got a lot of emails complaining about it, and I guess they got sick of having to deal with all the emails about explicit fics._**

**_At any rate, the graphic content of your story isn't really allowed on-site._**

**_I hope that's explained well enough and that you don't feel attacked or harassed. We're really not ogres, I swear._**

**_Carer_**

_Huh. _Adrian thought. _A nice guy . . . _

"What are you doing, Adrian?"

"Looking at this new message." He sat down on the couch with his laptop.

Sydney raised an eyebrow. "Don't tell me he went crazy at you . . ."

"No, _they_ were decent." He frowned. "I don't know if it's a girl or a boy."

Without much hesitation, Adrian started writing a response and preparing all the chapters in the story – unbelievably – to move them elsewhere.

"Wait . . . you're _actually going to move the story_?" Sydney sat on the couch, looking over onto the screen. "I've got to see this."

"Well, he made a pretty decent argument." He paused. "No he didn't, but _still!_ He was _nice!_ He _explained why I can't put it there_!"

Sydney rolled her eyes, but she didn't leave his side when he started to write his response to "Carer".

**_Ahh. Okay. :D Thanks for explaining!_**

**_Eliminator decided they'd start harassing me because I had apparently done something wrong, but when I asked for an explanation, they ignored it and mainly continued to just demand that it be removed – there was much other than "It's not allowed on this site"._**

**_I'm yet to receive a reply from my second PM, but they put a review on Breaking all the Rules with the same message they had PMed with. Just before that, though, I discovered that Breaking all the Rules had been put up on their forums with a note next to it saying something like "author responded rudely" . . ._**

**_Safe to say that those people are _****very nice****_ . . . _**

**_Anyway, thanks for the clarification. I'll take a look around the interweb for options of where to put Breaking all the Rules! :D_**

**_Don'tstealJetSteele_**

With a sigh, Adrian started to Google other places to put his treasured fiction . . .


End file.
